So many wrong things right now!

Okay, here's another one of my stupid early morning hours post. I'm probably going to regret it later.

I am SOOOO mad at myself. I can't even control any of my emotions. They just spill out of me and I end up hurting other people and then myself. I feel so stupid! I don't want to do this anymore. I'm starting to think it's the birth control, but if it is, then I can't help it because you can't reverse the effects of a shot.

I can't even study properly for school. I'm ending up concentrating more on stupid things like waiting for my boyfriend to get online or reading manga. And when I do study, I'm thinking about other things so that I can't really focus. I wish I could control myself.

I don't know what to do. This happens so often, not knowing what to do. I feel like all I can do is just let things happen to me. What's going on is that my emotions are controlling me. If I feel annoyed that Joe has to go to sleep... actually that's probably more like jealousy at this point, because I wish I could be the one to go to sleep first... it happens rarely, if at all. So I act rudely. And I'm also at the point where I can't even tolerate people in general. Like I want to hole myself up inside my own personal box and keep everyone out. And then I act poorly towards people, too. I used to just be able to act nice towards everyone, even if they annoyed me. I guess my passive-aggression is manifesting itself. I just want to have a little control, and not hurt the people I care about.

I feel like my main emotions lately have been anger and annoyance and sadness and disappointment. And I feel like they are ALL unjustified. It's so stupid to be annoyed with someone for having a conversation with me when I feel like being alone, and it's stupid to get angry at someone for not talking to me. It's stupid to feel extreme sadness and disappointment when Joe has to go to bed, and I'm not tired yet. I just feel really stupid. I don't even want to deal with things anymore. I want to be stable. I want everything to be stable. I want my emotions to be stable, and my sleeping habits to be stable, and my relationships with other people to be stable. There are just so many things going wrong right now, and I don't know how to make them right...

Why can't things just be right? Nothing is okay right now!!! I can't handle it!

Mata ne.... hopefully...